Seven weeks ago i posted something here ad i have no idea what it said because i dind't go back and read it. I'm probably going to delete this just so everyone is aware. I never post and I never feel like posting.

So we're going to NC next Friday. I just have to look at things fr face value and realize how things are working out so well. Chirs is going to fund most of the trip with his open house money.

ON another note i was totally disappointed in the Harry Potter movie. Book aside I just didn't even realize i watched a movie. It ended and I was in a state of WTF? lol Going to get another tattoo today on my back. Pics later on facebook and myspace. Things are so good right now i just have to remember to relax! I'm so focused and moving forward sometimes that i have a hard time living in the now. the guys are over right now. Brandon, Blane, me and Chris are just having a chill day. Girl day yesterday....except Chris was there. :-P

Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm so frustrated right now. Chris wants to go down and see our friend Tuesday in North Carolina. There just isn't money for everything! i mean he doesn't have a steady full time job and I can'e take more time off to go with him. I don't really want him taking my car out of state alone. Even though he's a great driver it's just....idk. whatever i'm over writing this because it's just a lot of repeated nonsense.

things with Chris and I are better than ever. So nice to have learned over this break. I took time for myself too. however i have another gripe. I don't know i guess I'm just discouraged about us. I feel like i do all the talking and I don't really know what's going on with you or your thoughts as of late. I mean i know Charlie and stuff...and...i don't know is it just that there is so much going on in my life and not in others because you're not the only one i feel like this with or do i just have noncommunicative friends. I enjoyed hanging out the other day. people say they just don't have anything going on right now and there's no point in repeating the same things that have been going on but I just feel weird because no one has anything going on. I get that people are only half way through college but I'm almost done and it makes me feel like I'm bragging or talking too much or...something...it also makes me feel like I'm the only one trying in the relationships i have managed to maintain and it's tiring.

I mean I'm traveling, have my own place, love my job, have a wonderful boyfriend who has three jobs and is now working so hard for us and I'm really moving forward in my life....

I'm not trying to put anyone down I just wish someone else had something to talk about!

Chris and I are on a break and it's weird but i need him to know i'm the best he's ever going to have which sounds conceited but...I mean everything is kinda messy and i'm not even really sure what happened we definitely did not argue it is on good terms yeah...i dunno it's just weird well he' 18 and we've been together for a year and 8 months and he just graduated high school.....so there's all that life out there to figure out and I don't want him to regret anything later and I want him to know that I love him and we talked about it a lot and i want to be mad and harsh and I am a little i'm hurt but i think...actually i'm pretty sure we'll get back together and he loves me more than a sister and i'm his best friend and I don't understand why he doesn't know if i'm the one is it because it would be scary and ludicrous to find the one so young? but we have the same to similar values, goals, ideals, joys and woes and everything.

He hasn't been 100% here and I give a lot to this relationship....so I can't really handle someone who isn't there right beside me and he's been so distant lately and yet we're closer than ever....which makes no sense.

I feel a littlelotabit empty and could really use some support. I'm pretty sure it won't last the month we gave it but....maybe it should....i'm all over right now. Really glad i don't have to work tomorrow....anyone....want to do something tomorrow?

Discourgaged. I suppose i'm just distracted or something but I can't help it. I think i'm good at my job adn the guests say i'm good at it but on paper it says i'm not. Tips have steadily been going donwn adn it's just so damn hard to find another job.

Other than that things with Chris are wonderful as always. our year adn a half anniversary is in a week. I got us tickets to see Dane Cook!!!! I can't wait till people come home for the summer. I really miss Jon and being able to talk with him. Well i'm off to make pancakes.

So my life is great. Sorry but it is. I jsut got back from my trip a couple weeks ago and it was wonderful. Living on my own. loving working at Red Robin's. There's nothing to say because everything is jsut so wonderful.

Sure there are ups and downs but over all life is wonderful

I love working at Red Robin's
I love that my trip is so close
I love that life can work out no matter what
I love Christopher
I love being me


5 more days.

Doot doot doot I work at Red Robin's! Come eat, visit, enjoy! I start tomorrow and I'll be an offical waitress by next Sunday. I'm stoked!

Other then that i've been chatting with people from my trip since the group leader made a facebook group. I'm blessed and s happy that things just keep moving along.

countdown at 30 Days.

*sigh* so emotions are running amok again.

I kind of feel abandond. I try to reach out but people are busy and I get that.

Anyhow, I got the job at Walmart but they haven't called me for orientation yet. Tomorrow I have an interview at Red Robin's and I'd much rather have that job. so If i get that one I guess i'll tell Walmart I thought they changed their minds since they never called me.....awe Chris just sent me a text saying

"i'm so glad we found each other...thank you"

life is good. I know it is it just gets hard to remember why i bother to try so hard to help everyone else be as happy as I am. I don't want them to do it my way I jsut want them to find their happiness.

countdown to eurotrip stands at 31 days.

To whom it may concern:
Good night.

So I figured out what bothers me so much about my parent's...they're unhappy and okay with it. They complain and see the glass half empty....or actually probably compleatly empty but they never really want to do anything about it. They are so trapped in their sad lives that they can't even imgine anything else.

I have an interview tomorrow to be a greeter at Walmart. I figure why not? It's really easy, i'll meet tons of people and it's money. Plus there's deffinet room to move up. I feel kinda bad because I wonder if this opening cam up because the other one died or something? Lol I know that's aweful to think but...hey.

Countdown to London and Paris trip stands at 36 days

So I FINALLY quit McDonalds! I'm so happy. I know mom will be upset but this is what i needed to do for me. I'm going up to Mt. Pleasent to be in a bridal show. I might take a small hiatus up there. Who knows! I feel free and even though i'm hunting for a new job this just felt awesome.



Sorry for the break that you wouldn't have noticed unless I told you. Dad's already being a dick about it. Dad who hasn't held down a job for more then 6 months since i've been alive. Who's quit on several occations. Whatever, it's my choice and I realize that I won't be able to keep living like I was. However I can donate plasma so I won't be out of money compleately


Well I need to run some errands.

Love

1. your greatest asset- I care

2. the nicest thing you ever did for anyone-I don't know ask them.

3. the nicest thing anyone’s done for you- took a chance

4. one question about life- How long with the greatness last?

5. one thing you’ve always wondered how it was made- all the friggin rose bowl parade floats

6. teachers last year will say that you are- invisable

7. friends will say you are- supportive, confused, happy

8. people like you because-i'm happy and I try

9. I think some people may not like you because-I'm certain

10. one thing most people don’t know about you-

11. you consider yourself an expert at- being me

12. five years from now you will be- married, have at least one kid and be settled into a career

13. when you go to my 20 year reunion you will- Be so excited to see how every is doing!

14. when you want to you have the ability to- remain paitent

15. bravest thing you ever did was- look inside and change

16. you have trouble dealing with- idiots

17. you’re proud of…how i've grown

18. you really need to stop biting my nails

19. your friends make you laugh all the time...it's kinda a requirement of being my friend

20. pet peeve that is the pet peevest-stupidity

21. what you are sad you- buck up and work through it....choose to be happy.

22. the most stressful thing in your life- family

23. most influential person in your life is- Christopher.

24. no regrets about anything. Regrets make you live in the past and I don't do that.

25. biggest mistake that taught you a lesson? So many mistakes, so many lessons it's all just living

26. hope for your own future. it will be happy and prosporous like my life now.

Jon, I changed my layout so it doesn't bother you much anymore. I'm watching the finale of the amazing race and it's pretty intense. Working today off tomorrow and hoping to go my computer fixed since it won't read CD's and I don't have microsoft works :-/

Only two finals to take this semster and i'm only worried about one because it determines weather i pass or fail.

mmmm averaging 39 hours a week at work is is kind of a drain but I need to money for so many things. Washing my uniform to go work 7 hours. Secretly hoping for a snow day tomorrow...for chris. He and I are staying at Gram's and it would just be nice to have the day off compleatly and be abl to spend it with people i love.

I just feel so truly blessed to have met so many different people who have touched my life in one way or another and to have had the opprtunity to touch theirs. I am happy with where I am in life and I do try my hardest to stay true to me no matter what. All these memories I have and all the one i have yet to come amaze me. As we enter into this holiday season I only hope that everyone will look at all they have to be thankful for. Despite the bull we have to deal with everyday remember what that teaches you. Keep those around you that make you strong and ignore the ones who only tear you down. Build people up when you can and remember to always smile, you never know who may need that.

Wishing everyone love and happiness this holiday season

So i don't even remember last time I updated and I'll look when i'm done.

Quit my internship which is a long story. Today is Chris and I's one year anniversary. I'm taking 4 online classes next semester and none on campus so that I'll have a lot of time for other things and yet still be able to go to school. Things are great, I never really ahve anything to say here...sorry guys.

So I am trying. I go to class, I write all my papers in time to get them peer edited and then edit them accordingly before I turn in another draft. I have my mom and Chris read them and they give me non-biased opinions. I do my homework, I study, I'M TRYING! But yet and still i'm failing out of college. I'm so discouraged. I'll get an A on my internship and I'm getting a B in English. My Com. At work class is pretty easy and I have a B in there but my Com Law class is just not working out! We've had three different prof's and it's just hard to learn anything.

On a non complaining note i am learning a lot at my internship and things with my life are moving forward. I have a plan for saving money for my trip and to get my own place by my 20th birthday.

Chris's senior pics are very nice and he is still amazing. Nov. 10th is our one year anniversary.

I went to the movies with mom today. I've been noticing from previews I've seen I like that the directors are using their power to speak. Political activism is everywhere. I enjoy it.

Chris and I are doing well which is nothing new to report, though we are doing better :-P. He got me an amazing ring, sapphire, diamonds and white gold. Love it.

Cant' wait to see Jon. Leaving Thursday night for a nice weekend of friends, fun and also a little time of reevaluation.

There is so much going on in my life I could express but it would take far too long.

Night loves

Change is a funny thing.

OH!!! Tiffini joined a choir after much pushing from chris. Jon is starting a choir possibly but I joined the new centruy choral. I'm so excited. Tickets are only $10 adults and $5 for students and seniors. It's a comunity choir but a great one and I blend well with them and we're singing amazing music. I wouldn't just join any choir after all i've been through.

Concert dates are:

Nov. 2, 4 pm
Dec. 13, 7 pm
Dec. 14 4 pm

Life is flowing along. It's great. I get worn out sometimes from working all morning at McD's and then either going to school or going straight to CK105.5. Yesterday was a bit overwhelming but life gets like that sometimes. I just have to trust and believe that all the hard wrk i put out into the universe comes back to me and so far it has.

Chris i wonderful and I see our relationship growing even more. Best, worst, happy, sad, everything we are we are with each other and we support each other. No one and nothing is perfect but I think we come pretty damn close.

I'm excited about my internship being over so that I can get paid to work there. I'm pretty sure I have a gaureenteed job there when i'm done. They're very imressed with my work the past three weeks.

Waiting to see Jon next month but other than that life is just flowing along with it's ups and downs.

Yay for $4 in my bank account. Cali was amazing but doug screwed me over money wise since technically he owed me $80 and i ended up paying him $90 so i'm out $60 more than i expected. Thanks to Alli I will be able to go to Ren Fest this weekend. *bows a million times* other than that jsut starting school, getting back into the swing of things.

Oh!!! My internship at CK105 offically starts on tuseday and they said if i work hard and learn a lot then i have a gaurenteed job there come January. So i could start my career before I even finish my degree.

Well i'm off to do homework.